Mama’s Bathroom

We’ve been working right at a month to prepare mom’s house to sell.

The little things, I think, are what bring me to tears. They just remind me of her so very much. I feel like I could just run my hands across them and almost feel her with me.

I decided to snap some pictures of this bathroom. Mama had hand painted roses around the top of the room and scripture above the light fixture. She had also stenciled roses on the ceiling. You may not have noticed them at first since they were white but it was just a few shades different from the ceiling …delicate and beautiful. The had the most perfect roses hanging above the window with sweet curtains. I had decided to leave them in place because they made me smile when I walked down her hall as I’ve worked in her home.

It’s a long story, but they aren’t there now. Of course, neither is she. I find myself wishing I could go back to January when life felt so normal. It’s selfish, I know. This timing would plant my mom right in the middle of her own horrible pain. I know she doesn’t hurt now.

Some days, I feel like I can’t breathe for the grief that I’m feeling. There is this huge gaping hole now that just lingers.

I miss her so much I hurt.

9 thoughts on “Mama’s Bathroom

  1. That bathroom is so beautiful. Take pictures so you will remember it for years to come. Your Mom was such a perfectionist. I always wished I had a little of her talent. xxxooo

  2. You definitely did!! In fact, I always thought she got that talent from you- I still have the quilt you made (well, it’s Courtney’s sweet treasure now!), and just the other day, I found a cup you had made for me for Christmas one year with my name painted on it with a rainbow.
    Did you, by chance, paint a rooster on wood for my mom??

  3. I so “get it”. I know exactly the feelings you are describing. So stinkin’ hard! Praying for you.
    I agree with the comment above. Take lots of pictures of her house. You will want to remember every detail!

    1. I know you do, Marcy. I’ve wanted to write to you this week, but haven’t had a free moment. I guess I just want to know when it stops being what you think about all of the time. It seems that every quiet moment finds my mind drifting back to my mom. I’m thankful that it’s not *that* night but more to just memories of her time with us these past months.

  4. This isn’t exactly the same thing, and I don’t know if it even helps. But after we brought Schyler home and got into a routine, I replayed everything that happened over and over during every quiet moment for a pretty good while. Sometimes I wondered if it was post traumatic stress. I couldn’t even get near Brookwood Hospital. When I tried to go for my check up, I got really weird, anxious maybe?? and just had to leave. I know it’s different because we’re not learning to live without our loved one, but just relating the traumatic experience. And it just took time, a lot of time. I’m really sorry. I know you want to get this season behind you. But it will pass.

  5. Jennifer, thank you for sharing that….I do think it’s that I’ve experienced a trauma, and a loss. I’m trying to be patient- it’s just hard. I love all of you so much– right now, I know I’m blessed that the Lord has given me such a wonderful support system. I’m thankful that I’ve been covered in prayers. <3

  6. I don’t think you ever do get over it, Tracy. And frankly, you wouldn’t want to. But it does get easier with time. Time will be your friend. However, don’t try to hurry it; each step you are taking right now is a necessary step through the grief process, and there really is no short-cut. Some days, it just hurts – no way around it. Pictures like this will help you remember the sweet times and bring a smile to your face even though there may be a tear in you eye. Hugs to you, my friend.

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