For My Mama

Dear Mama,

Tonight, I imagine you dancing at the feet of our Savior.

I know you don’t hurt.  I know you aren’t sick.  I know you have no worry and no care.

I know you see the beauty and meaning of your life.

I know you rest.

Today, like most every day, I have picked up my phone to talk with you.

My heart breaks each time.  I ache in a way that I have not experienced before.

I know that this distance is only for a time, but I miss you so-

Since you’ve been gone, Jackson is standing.  He crawls across the floor.  He has cut more teeth.  He still clings to the little lion you crocheted for him during your last days with us.

Jonathan, lost his very first tooth.  He’s looking older.  I know you would notice.  I know you would be excited with all of us- such a little thing and yet, such a milestone in the life of a little guy.

Benjamin, still cries almost every day.  He realizes it will be a long time before you sit with him to play chess again.  He knows you won’t be here for his birthday, and he feels sad you won’t be here for mine.

Meredith, shared her loss with her little cousin this past Sunday.  I heard her telling him of *that* evening, and all she witnessed.  It’s hard for her to understand just how temporal all of this really is- I’m hurting for her, even more than for myself.

As I have busied myself with looking after the details of your life, it’s been a little easier, I think to forget for a moment- but then, as if hit by a wave of emotion- it all returns.

There are days I don’t feel like I can stand.

*I* wanted you for just a little longer.

I want you to know that I know I could have been a better daughter.

I am thankful the Lord blessed me with *you*.

I do look forward to seeing you again one day.  I’m thankful that He, the author of life, already sees my hurting heart…I don’t even have to tell Him.

I love you, my dear mama.

I praise my Father, because I know you are with Him.



And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.

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