Missing My Dad

Tracy / February 23, 2006

We’re up and moving this morning.

I’ve already gotten a good bit of our assigned school
work done, worked on my tile job in the hall, looked over my hubby’s idea for our
website, t-shirts, tote bags and such (really cool, I might add!), gotten dinner
sat out for our crock pot and started everyone’s baths for our scout event this evening.

I’m tired! At least I feel like there are much needed items getting marked off my ever
growing list. That’s a good feeling.

Today, of course, I’m thankful for the efficiency at which I’m able to accomplish things
this morning. Even when my home or circumstances aren’t perfect, I try to keep my focus
on the progress we’re making.

I’m also thankful for the relationship that I have with my mom. She is really someone
that I enjoy talking with. I feel like we can laugh and enjoy each others company and
for that, I’m really grateful.

I’m thankful that my husband has been able to speak to his aunt. We had quite a bit
of trouble talking with her for a while…I’m glad that we are finally able to get in touch
with her and know that she is doing well. She is very special to our family and we’ve
missed her!

Please pray for the Fuchs family….they are still struggling with sickness issues. I think
that it’s just lingering this year with everyone.

My Grandmother, also, is still under the weather. I think as the weather warms up and people are able to air out their homes and get some nice, warm sunshine, maybe some of these illnesses will go away!

Tonight is our annual Blue and Gold banquet for our cub scouts. We love cub
scouting!! For me, it is a little selfish, I really enjoy being around the other moms.
We have met some of the neatest people through our scouting experience. I still have
long lasting friendships that really all started due to our involvement with scouts.
It’s a great program and my little boys have learned so much and really enjoyed
seeing all that they can accomplish!

Today I have learned:

Floor Tile Adhesive: Really stinks, use good ventilation….it REALLY sticks… be prepared
to have it everywhere. AND…if your two year old happens to walk across the tacky
adhesive in his socks be prepared for the fight of your life to free him. Two
days ago he took a step out onto the floor and started yelling! He was stuck right where
he had stepped. I do have to admit I found a *little* humor in it!

This lesson has not been learned today but it really does take all day long to get
a family the size of mine cleaned, shined and ready to go out for an event. By the time
we get everyone ready, we’re all ready for some nap time! I’m sure that there has to be
an easier way.

I’m not sure why, but my Dad lingers in my mind this morning. I have no relationship
with him but from time to time I find myself wondering about him and his life. Do you
ever find yourself wondering why other people make the decisions that they make?
Before I had children, I only assumed that he must have had his reasons for leaving
and not having a relationship with then, his only child. I was angry but mostly I
just didn’t understand.

Now, I’ve had children. I have to admit, I’m still angry with him. I have spoken to
him a couple of times within the last several years. What strikes me is that given
the context of watching my husband with my children, how could any man EVER
leave his children for any reason. I’m not sure that there is anything on earth that
could ever keep my husband from his children. What’s even more odd is that the
few times that I’ve been around him, he’s a stranger to me. He’s never someone
that I would confide in, he is never someone that held the keys to my heart like
a Daddy is supposed to do. He never taught me about life or gave me the guidelines
for finding a suitable husband. In fact, now, being around him, just makes me

I’m left now with an emptiness that I pray the Lord will fill. He has been so good
to me…he’s blessed me with a loving mother and a husband that I could have
never guessed would have loved me so much and completed me in so many ways.
Though, faced with the feeling of a little girl missing her Daddy so much, I think
that the Lord has painted a different picture. That of a man who has missed almost
every important moment in his daughter’s life, that of a man who has eight of the
most wonderful, beautiful grandchildren. He doesn’t know what he is missing.

More than that, oh so much more than that, are the eternal consequences. Not to
have a personal relationship with my Lord, I’ve heard him referred to as the lover
of my soul…how accurate a description. To know that his eternity is not secure…
to know that he knows no comfort when there is pain, I can’t imagine. It hurts me
to think of someone that I love so much to have no hope.

I’m not sure where this leaves me. I’m praying that the Lord will give me peace,
and wisdom in dealing with my Dad. He just lives across town but it sure seems
like there is an entire world between us and indeed, there really is a lifetime.

Today’s scripture meditation is so personal to me. It is scripture that I’ve hidden
in my heart and on days like today, I meditate on knowing that my Lord ‘s love is
unconditional and ever lasting.

Proverbs 52:7-9

“Here now is the man
who did not make God his stronghold
but trusted in his great wealth
and grew strong by destroying others!”
But I am like an olive tree
flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
for ever and ever.
I will praise you forever for what you have done;
in your name I will hope, for your name is good.
I will praise you in the presence of your saints.”

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