Mama has not felt good today.

She has slept on an off through the day.

When she’s been awake, she’s talked more to me about how she needs to pay her house and car off.  She actually seems excited that this might allow her to retire early.  We’ve discussed her staying here while she is going through chemo treatments.

She did agree to allow us to visit her home on Saturday.  We’re going to drop her off to visit with my Grandmother while we go and work on her front yard.  I’m so glad she’s letting us help.  It’s been a long time since she has allowed us to help her with very much of anything.  I’m thankful for the chance to help.

Tonight, I looked over at her…I just can’t believe this is happening.  Not to my mom.

I decided to do something to pamper her and asked if I might polish her nails.  I had everything going just right until I started painting the color- my polish was “gunky”.  I’ll be doing them again today…so much for pampering ambition.

Courtney came and sat in my room for a long time tonight.  She and I cried and discussed things in a way we hadn’t since this had all began.  I worry, just a bit, about her and Josh.  Neither have really discussed this much and seem to be trying to push through and be strong.  I know this is bothering them as much as it is me.

I hate cancer.