February 16, 2013

Tracy / February 16, 2013

Today has been a good day.

It’s odd, really, to see her acting so normal…maybe a little more tired than usual, but still normal.

I can tell she’s hurting.  She would laugh at the children and grab her tummy.  It doesn’t seem to be low where I would expect from the surgery but rather higher- my assumptions here could get the better of me.  I’m trying to maintain my thoughts until we really know what is happening in her body.

She took time to begin teaching Meredith to write her name.  She asked if she could help polish Jon’s shoes, which she did…and then Joshua’s.

She’s worked on making Jon’s army man some camo pants.

We talked about going to Callaway Gardens for the Christmas lights this year.

I took Josh, Jacob, and Timothy to shop today for groceries.  It was nice to be away from the house, but difficult to fight back the tears.  I’m trying so hard to keep the atmosphere light.  It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Last night, Paul stopped by the house to change out his clothes.  I’ve not seen him since all of this began.  We’ve only spoken briefly on the phone.  His work schedule has been so full- it’s hard to miss him.  I feel like I really need to talk to him.  Then I remember, I only need to pour out my heart before the Lord.  He is what I really need.

He was only here for a short while.

So, last night, after Paul left, I laid down on my bed and began to weep.  I had prayed earlier that day that the Lord would place angels all around to protect my home and protect my family and that He would bless our day.  I think He did…I had not had too many bouts of hidden tears.  Then, last night, I could no longer hold them back.  I laid there just weeping and began to pray that the Lord would allow me to sleep.

We usually sleep with our door shut- and it was last night.

As I prayed, I felt a sudden wave of peace rush over me.  I felt something sit on the bed next to me.  I knew it wasn’t one of my children- I started to sit up to see what it was, but felt compelled to lay back down and rest.  I guess a while later, I woke up.  I had shifted and again felt the movement next to me and resting on the end of my leg.  Amazingly, I wasn’t afraid, I felt calm and peaceful and I was able to rest for some time before the baby awoke for his morning feeding.

When I woke up, I had a song playing through my mind…”Holy, Holy, Holy….”.

I’m so thankful for the peace.  I’m thankful for some rest.  This body is weary.

Tonight, she is sleeping on and off in Paul’s big chair.

I have so many things racing through my mind.  How will we protect her from germs.  -I have so many littles in my home.  They have kept a runny nose this winter.  Where will we put her- we are already short of bedroom space.  If she’s going to stay here (and I hope she will), she will need a quiet, restful place.

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