February 17, 2013

Tracy / February 17, 2013

2 Corinthians 10:4-5(NIV)

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

I will take my thoughts captive to Christ.  Like all else, I know it takes practice.  I’m trying so hard.  Waves of emotion seem to almost sweep me a way, at times.

Mama just got off the phone with Aunt Denise.  She’s been phoning a couple of times each day.  Mom has asked me not to say anything to her about the extent of this diagnosis, but I think she has a feeling.  She said she’s been thinking of us non-stop.  Maybe that’s a bond sisters have?  I’m not sure.

So, Mama has been hurting this morning. She is almost out of the prescribed pain meds so I offered to give her some motrin this morning until we can see the doctor.  This saves her heavier meds for night so she can sleep.

It seems to be helping the pain ease, but nausea has also set in…I’ve asked if there is something she might like to ease this and she is having a hard time describing what she’s feeling.  She’s barely eaten since she arrived but last night, she did eat some which I saw as a positive.  This morning, we’re back to not eating much.

Looking back, the last few times she’s come to visit, she’s looked so bloated to me.  I really thought she was just gaining weight (maybe in her face).  Since her surgery, much of this has went away.  She actually looks better.  I’m hoping that maybe they got most all the cancer out with her surgery and it will just be a matter of a few treatments for it to be gone.

Our church ladies have brought a few meals.  It’s been hard not to cry when they come to the door.  They are so sweet and I want to just sit and cry for a while.  I can’t.  This is just not the time.

On a funnier note, this last meal had chocolate brownies…she smiled when Jess handed her one, looked over and said, “chocolate makes everything better”.

Did I also mention that Paul’s schedule shows he won’t be home for another EIGHT days.  🙁  I miss him so.  I want so much to lay in his arms and unload all of these things I seem to be carrying.  I feel so weak.  So.  Very.  Weak.

Timothy, asked me what’s wrong with Grandmommy yesterday.  I tried to explain in terms and eleven year old can understand.  It’s hard to explain something you don’t understand yourself.

…and another day has passed.  We’ve heard nothing, NOTHING from the doctor.  I’m ready to scream at him. That’s not good.

Today’s blessings, thus far:
(1) Mama slept.  Jackson slept. I slept.  Those are all good things.
(2) My dear friend Christy, is more like a sister than anything else.  I am so very thankful for her right now.  I know she has walked this path.  I know she loves me.
(3) Jacob is grilling hamburgers for lunch today. This may seem like a small blessing unless you’ve HAD his burgers.  They are really good.  I need really good today.
(4) The sun is shining.  It’s bitter cold out today but promises to warm up some.  The weather this winter has been odd but wonderful.  It’s nice to look out and see the sun.
(5) Barbara, your phone call to me was so very kind- thank you for your encouragement.

It’s amazing.  The Lord has surrounded us with people that we adore.  I feel so alone sometimes, but I’m never really alone.

Do You Know?

My mom likes to travel.  She’s always picked up rocks from the places she’s visited.  When asked by others what they might bring her back, she always requests rocks from other places.  It’s odd…we laugh about it around here but that really is what she enjoys.

She has just talked to Josh about traveling with him to California on a business trip and taking the time to drive up the coast there.  She says when she went the year I turned 16 it was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen.

Today, we’re talking about traveling to Callaway Gardens this Christmas.  I thought it would change the mood in the house.  Something fun to look forward to….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *