Tracy / November 3, 2013

Yesterday was six months since my dear Mama passed away.

I had honestly been dreading the date. I knew it was coming I was silently thinking about it each time someone mentioned an appointment, or I had to look in my calendar for some reason.

It just seems too surreal to be true…even so many months later.

I couldn’t hold back tears. My heart hurts when I think on how much I miss her. I usually try to keep my mind some other place. At some point, each and every day, it will drifts back.

It’s hard to explain what it feels like to lose your mother. I’m not sure it’s something anyone can really understand unless you experience it for yourself.

Last night, I dreamed about her once again. (I’m actually relieved the Lord is allowing me these dreams now.)

She came to our home.

Her hair was so beautiful. It was not the style she wore- similar, but different. It was beautiful and healthy- and full!

She greeted me with a warm smile and hug. I, of course, began to weep. I was just so glad to see her.

I cried and cried. At some point, she told me I needed to get myself together or she would not come back. (She never did want me upset in front of my children.)

We chatted about all sorts of things. I do remember asking her if she gets to have chocolate cake now. She responded, “no”. She smiled and briefly explained it wasn’t something she missed, at all. 🙂 (Leave it to me to be dreaming about chocolate.)

She seemed so peaceful and happy. She sat and watched the children coming and going.

I held her hand as I had so many times those last months.

This morning, I’m tearful, but I do know she is better.

I know the Lord holds her as only He can.

I’m thankful for the times He allows me these moments to “talk” to my mom- it’s nice to see her face and hear her voice again.

I sure miss her.

3 thoughts on “Dreaming…

  1. Thinking of you Tracy. I understand. It has been almost 18 months since my mom died and I still have moments that are very hard. It seems like I haven’t seen her in forever, yet I can envision everything about her. Sometimes I will think about her face and her voice and it is like I just saw her.. I am beginning to wonder if it is something that will always be an ache in my heart. A “mom” is a pretty important part of your life!

  2. I just passed the 3-year mark of my sister’s death. I spent time alone reading all of the emails and cards during that time of loss. I cried, I laughed, and I prayed & praised God that He brought us through that difficult time, and that she is no longer suffering, but with Him forever. I’m not sure that it gets easier. I still dream of her too. But God is with me as well and someday I will be there in His presence and seeing my sister (and other family and friends) again!

  3. I lost my Mom on 07/07/07 and I still miss her like it was yesterday that she went to Heaven. Things come up and I think “I need to call Mama and tell her about this.” I still think of all the times we had together. We usually went to her house every Sunday for lunch. We went to her house for all Holidays. I still miss her very much. I know you still miss your Mom also. I am thankful she is no longer suffering. She would not like to continue to be bed fast like she was the last two weeks she lived.

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