May 27, 2013

We’ve spent the last few weeks cleaning out my mama’s home.

It’s been so odd to be surrounded by her things- it’s a mix of sadness and sweet memories.

I’ve found countless things I made for her over the years…little pillows, photo albums, cross-stitch, etc.  Each one held it’s own memory of a season of her life.

I’ve missed her so much.

My mom was a quiet woman.  She was never proud or boastful.  She very rarely complained- even through the months of dealing with such a horrible disease.

She lived through things most people can’t fathom and yet never let it stop her life- she knew others depended on her (mostly me), to pick herself up and go forward.

She was a strong, wonderful woman.  I miss her so much.

I’ve only dreamed of her twice since she’s been gone.

The first time was just a couple of nights after she passed.  I dreamed I was looking at her face.  I knew she was sick, but she was quiet and just looking at me.
I didn’t want the dream to end- it was so nice to see her.  Her eyes have always been so expressive…just to see her face again was so nice.

Last night, I dreamed she had went with me to the doctor to be examined for some pain I’ve been having.  At some point, I was on the phone telling Paul what the doctor had said,
and I looked over at Mama.  She was looking at me with such concern- I started trying to comfort her and tell her I was OK.  It was sweet to hear her soft voice and speak with her again.
I’ve been so busy and so tired these past weeks, I really don’t remember my dreams much- I’m so glad the Lord allowed me to remember this one.

I just miss her.

Most everything is packed and out of her home now. We have a few of her things to place away here now- and her art I’m working to preserve.

It’s been a whole lot of work- her basement flooded the second day we were working downstairs.  It was such a mess to clean up the water around the places where we were working, but we managed.

It’s hard to explain to folks exactly what it is we are doing…because mama lived with us, I had a good bit of her things here to pack.  Because she had her own home as well, I also have a full house that has to be packed, given and gone through and then to figure out what to do with the house.
I have library cards to cancel, utilities to turn off, etc., etc., etc.  It’s just a whole lot of little, and not so little things to address.

I do think we’re moving forward.

The house being almost finished, is a good start.  I still have many financial things to address and then I would like to sit and just write out the memories I have, as they come to mind, for my children.
I’ve also started a scrapbook for her art, awards, etc.  I think it will be good to sit and work on these things.

This week, aside from just a couple of obligations, we just get to “be”.  It’s an overdue rest for my weary family.  They’ve all worked so hard and I know we are all tired.

I want to say thank you, again, to so many of you- I don’t think I could ever write exactly how grateful I am to you.  The continued cards and phone calls have been such a blessing.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.  I would love to say that I’m strong and I know I can pull through this…in truth, I am nothing, and He is everything.  His strength and His peace are sustaining me right now.

Well, time to start the day.

Maybe I’ll find some time a little later to post a few pictures!  😀

My love to you all…may you find God’s peace today in your own homes.

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