There are very few moments in life that take my breath. I’m not talking in that exciting, kind of blissful way. This is a ‘I feel like I’m going to be sick. I can’t breathe. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I can only weep’ kind of way. The moments following Mama’s surgery, hearing her…
Category: mom
seeking joy today
A birthday gift from my dear friend, Christy. She knows I love these Willow Creek figurines. She also knew my mama loved sunflowers. This is one of the most precious gifts I have ever received. When I opened it, I was so touched, it was hard to sit through breakfast without crying. She sits on my dresser now. I am…
mama’s chair
I don’t know why I post these things. I guess I am trying to hold on to each and every detail of her life. I don’t want to forget one, single thing. This week was three months. Three, very long months. I made myself do something I’ve not wanted to do- we got rid of her chair. When she had…
another day
It’s been a hard week. I feel like I’m fine, like I’m ok, and then as a wave rushing over me, I’m back. I’m crying. I’m broken. Tonight, I stood in the store trying to find Jackson’s birthday gift. The thought passes through my head– my mama is going to miss Jackson’s first birthday. He’ll never remember sitting in her…
a gifted dream
The Lord is so very good to me. He knows exactly my heart and my hurts. This week, I’ve found myself dwelling on *that night*…the details, the sounds, our last words. I’ve done so well to try and think of other things, but this week, it’s just hung there. Anger has once again squeezed in….. My mama fought a hard…
mama’s birthday
I guess this day has been easier than I originally thought- that’s not exactly what I’m thinking, but I don’t know any other way to write my thoughts. Maybe it’s been hard, but I have felt God’s grace all around. I have cried. My children have cried. I sat, with them all, in the blades of grass growing all around…
Happy Birthday, Mama
My dearest Mama, I woke up to the day I’ve thought on, really dreaded, every day this past couple of weeks. It’s your birthday- I knew it would be hard. I’ve had to stop just to catch my breath. At night I lay in bed, so many nights, and relive our last conversations. I’m thankful for the moments of watching…
Two Months
Just breathe. Try and make it through this day. That is my only goal. Two months today. I woke up in tears this morning. I closed my eyes to try and relive those moments during the last weeks. I’ve tried to replay conversations I had with her. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday and in others, it…
For My Mama
Dear Mama, Tonight, I imagine you dancing at the feet of our Savior. I know you don’t hurt. I know you aren’t sick. I know you have no worry and no care. I know you see the beauty and meaning of your life. I know you rest. Today, like most every day, I have picked up my phone to talk…
Mama’s Bathroom
We’ve been working right at a month to prepare mom’s house to sell. The little things, I think, are what bring me to tears. They just remind me of her so very much. I feel like I could just run my hands across them and almost feel her with me. I decided to snap some pictures of this bathroom. Mama…
May 30, 2013
Four weeks ago today. It’s been four weeks- almost a whole month. In some ways, these days have crept along and in others, they’ve went by much too fast. We’ve been working to clean out Mama’s home. We’re almost done. I’ve been on the phone with an attorney, an accountant, and her creditors working our way through these details so…
Updating Posts…
I’m trying to catch up on posts I’ve had written in recent months. Some of these were just so raw, *too real*, I just couldn’t post them on my blog. As I was going through my files this morning, I found them and decided to post them according to the dates when they were written. So, here they are….It’s hard…