I don’t know why I post these things.
I guess I am trying to hold on to each and every detail of her life. I don’t want to forget one, single thing.
This week was three months. Three, very long months.
I made myself do something I’ve not wanted to do- we got rid of her chair.
When she had her first surgery, she was in such pain- we were trying anything to make her more comfortable. I mentioned that it might be the chair where she had been sitting.
Before long, she was asking me to take her to various stores and I would notice her going from chair to chair.
She tried this one, but just wasn’t sure. I liked it so much, I decided to buy it anyway. The next day, she was in my chair. 😀
It became *her* chair. We would put her feet up on the ottoman and she would rest there during the day. I have photos of her rocking Jackson and playing with Meredith there. For the first time in many days, she found relief.
It was hard the first few weeks. Each time I would walk around the corner from the kitchen, I could almost see her sitting there.
The day she passed she had been so tired. I remember looking at her sitting in her chair thinking she was so sick- she just didn’t seem to be bouncing back from this treatment the way she had the other two.
It had been a hard week for many reasons. I was hoping things would settle.
Obviously, they didn’t (or at least not in the way I had hoped).
Within a week of her passing, I noticed a tear down the back of her chair. Another few days and there was more damage. I’m still not sure why it started coming apart.
Yesterday, I realized it needed to go before it hurt someone. I cried when I asked the bigger boys to take it out. This is all so hard.
Now there is just an empty space in my family room. It makes me horribly sad.
I love you, Mama. Thank you for sharing your days with me. I am forever grateful to the Lord for you.