mama’s birthday

I guess this day has been easier than I originally thought- that’s not exactly what I’m thinking, but I don’t know any other way to write my thoughts. Maybe it’s been hard, but I have felt God’s grace all around.

I have cried. My children have cried.

I sat, with them all, in the blades of grass growing all around her grave and we cried together.
Darby played with the flowers we took- yellow roses were her favorite.

I have hurt for my children. I have hurt for myself.

The oddest thing- we drove home and I just felt so overwhelmingly blessed.

I am blessed that the Lord gave me even just one day with my mama. Then he gave me two, and then three, and so forth.

He gave me 40 years to enjoy and learn from her.

In the end, it was His leading that allowed us those final days and moments with her. I feel so humbled that He would allow her to leave the earth in a way that would give us more time with her during her final months.
I’m humbled. I’m thankful.

“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21

May the name of the Lord be praised.

We spent time with our church family this morning. We talked, and we shared. We ate lunch and the children played. In the background the date loomed in my head, but the Lord has provided me with some much needed comfort on this day.

As timing normally works, it was our turn to take the birthday dessert to church this month. We can choose which Sunday of our month we would like to cook but this date, my mama’s birthday, seemed to be the only one that would work for our family, so we cooked.

Most of the children helped in some way. Last night, as I stood stirring the hot custard over the stove, watching my children help and laugh, I realized this would have been so perfect to her. She would often pull a chair up in the kitchen and sit to watch everyone doing their part.

She was a quiet person- I often asked if all the folks in my home made her nervous but she would laugh and say how much she loved watching all the activity. In the end, we would eat something yummy.

Today, I shared my grandmother’s banana pudding with our church.

Years ago (and not that many years ago), Mama would buy the ingredients and ask Grandmother to make her a banana pudding. My Grandmother knew just how she loved it…like a good mother, she made a special one just for Mama– no bananas and still hot, just from the stove.

They would giggle and it would make me wonder if I was actually catching a glimpse of her as a little girl…probably seated at a table with my aunt and uncle. I wonder if Grandmother added bananas to their pudding?

It’s a good memory.

Time flowed on and Grandmother went to live with my aunt. It was a chapter closed. It was the Lord’s grace that allowed me to experience that time with them.

Today, after church, went to visit with Grandmother. It was a long drive for my littles and especially after just leaving church.

They did just fine.

I spent the time in prayer on the way there hoping that all of us there wouldn’t be too much for her.

She was so happy. She kept looking at everyone and making comments about how she’s never seen such beautiful boys. She played with Meredith’s curls like she does so often when we visit. She counted Jackson’s teeth. (I don’t take him often since it is such a long drive.) Darby gave her kisses.

It was a perfect day seeing my grandmother surrounded by her living legacy….I think she knew.
I love her. I love them.

It was an amazing, wonderful visit.

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